Friday, 10 February 2012

Arguing with God (Part II)


Go back to Part I: http://worst-blog-there-is.blogspot.com/2012/01/arguing-with-god-absurdest-fiction.html

'Since all life is futility, then the decision to exist must be the most irrational of all.'
-Emile M. Cioran.

God took a drag of His cigar, looked disgusted and threw it on the ground. He then stepped on it to make sure that it was out. Just then a heard of a hundred zebras ran by. Walter had never seen zebras before but, he pretended not to be amazed: God was always into theatrics and He was just showing off again.

"Here, let me show you something,' He said, touching Walter's shoulder. With a zap they were travelling through a golden abyss. Now they stood in 14th century France.

Walter liked this part of knowing God personally: Sometimes He took him on field trips.

Poor but happy townspeople ran around dressed in the muddy colours of the time. These clothes were a likely match for their hygiene as none looked like they had ever bathed. Walter tried holding his breath.

"Ah," said God, happily. "We've arrived during a harvest festival." Motioning toward the people, He continued: "You see this is what it was all about. When I created the earth I had exactly this in mind. But then you people had to go and invent technology. The light bulb, the gasoline car, the atomic bomb, the internet, the hyper-internet, the hyper-internet with extra spandex, the nuclear powered spaceship, the nuclear powered spaceship with flux capacitors, nuclear powered spaceships with flux capacitors and extra spandex. Why, oh why, did I ever let you people invent spandex?"

Walter sighed as God continued with His list: "The extra big space elevator, the space elevator that went all the way to Mars, the interstellar cannon that misfired and destroyed the elevator to Mars." He paused, thinking. "Did I miss anything?"
Walter sighed and suggested: "Narfenuggen."
God scowled. "Oh, yes: Narfenuggen."

Narfenuggen wasn't an advertising campaign by Volkswagen to compliment Fahrvergnugen. It was a light blue jelly substance which was used as a replacement for coal. It burned at twice the temperature, was cheap to produce, and did not give off any emissions at all. It was used to generate electricity for years but, it was too good to be true: The artificial slime began to evolve and soon gained intelligence and feelings. Before it could react to anything, it realized that man had created it for one reason: To set on fire. This gave Narfenuggen a special contempt for humans. As the blue slime multiplied itself engulfing cities, people had no choice but to flee to nearby planets and space stations, and then nuke their original home from above. The earth (and the Narfenuggen) was set on fire with atomic explosions.

"Narfenuggen," God repeated, shaking His head. "Even I didn't see that one coming."

Suddenly there was a bright flame which transformed itself into a figure: A man who looked a lot like Milton Berle: Satan had arrived. He, too, pulled out a cigar. Lighting it, he acted surprised to see God and Walter. "Hey God," he said, approaching. "Are you still going on about Narfenuggen?"
God scowled again. Walter winced as he sensed an argument coming on.

Go on to Part 3: http://worst-blog-there-is.blogspot.com/2012/02/arguing-with-god-part-iii.html

6 comments:

epigramman said...

..to be continued ..God I sure hope so ....this is the greatest thing I've ever read at these pages of Hub.

You have definitely inspired the epigramman because his imagination is pretty overdeveloped too and it takes a lot to fire him up .....well like this - waiting for part III with bated breath .....and here comes the surprise ........ready?

psychlist said...

I'm enjoying the story. Very imaginative and engaging. Funny, too.

Peter Allison said...

Funny! Very whacky and I loved the "Narfenuggen" bit...

Boxes for Sale said...

Infact this is a nice sequence of stories posted here.
I have read the part I and II until now have seen the post of part III and will be going through that as well today.

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Thats really cool!
Waiting for more posts from your side.
Keep up with the good spirit.

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