Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Ode to Flatulence in the Morning

Oh! Flatulence in the morning
Why do you bother me?
Like spikes in my bowels goring
The pain is so bad I cannot see!

Hark! I must hold it in
The secretary at work must not know
She would certainly consider it a sin
My indulgence in burritos and beer the night before

A garbage bag for underwear I must wear
To keep the foul odour in
Strenuous activity I do not dare
Or my coworkers will throw me in the trash bin



Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Ode to Cellular Fecal Matter

Oh Fecal Matter
Why do they say you inhabit the cell phone?
For today I couldn't be any sadder
Now I'm scared to call home

Hark! Why can't you end up in the toilet?
All 100% of you?
Using someone else's mobile is now Russian Roulette
But when I forget my own what else can I do?

Now sharing devices is all icky
I'll have to wear gloves
For when someone else's is all sticky
Things won't blow up into shoves

So wash your hands cell phone users!
It's the smartest thing you can do
Or we'll all be losers
Who speak on our handsets through poo.