Monday, 19 December 2011

Ode to Kim Jong-il

Oh, Kim Jong-il!
For all of the brutal communist dictators
With great big melon heads
You were the dearest one

But now you're gone, gone
The two Koreas will never be the same
You were like a beautiful, overweight swan
And those huge glasses were the hallmark of your fame

You led your country through immense famines
And constantly just made things worse
But if there ever was a citizen that said, 'Damn him.'
You made sure that he ended up in a hearse

Your favourite movies were, 'Friday the 13th,' and, 'Rambo.'
Fine cinema did you indulge
And if things got bad you'd be in Italy driving a Lambo
Because your European bank accounts had a 4 billion dollar bulge

But the West can't make fun of you forever
You were taken away from us despite being so clever
Dying of a heart attack in your steel-reinforced bullet-proof train.

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Ode to Flatulence in the Morning

Oh! Flatulence in the morning
Why do you bother me?
Like spikes in my bowels goring
The pain is so bad I cannot see!

Hark! I must hold it in
The secretary at work must not know
She would certainly consider it a sin
My indulgence in burritos and beer the night before

A garbage bag for underwear I must wear
To keep the foul odour in
Strenuous activity I do not dare
Or my coworkers will throw me in the trash bin

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Ode to Cellular Fecal Matter

Oh Fecal Matter
Why do they say you inhabit the cell phone?
For today I couldn't be any sadder
Now I'm scared to call home

Hark! Why can't you end up in the toilet?
All 100% of you?
Using someone else's mobile is now Russian Roulette
But when I forget my own what else can I do?

Now sharing devices is all icky
I'll have to wear gloves
For when someone else's is all sticky
Things won't blow up into shoves

So wash your hands cell phone users!
It's the smartest thing you can do
Or we'll all be losers
Who speak on our handsets through poo.